Just read a post on AJ's blog about "being loved, why love, do we need love?", basically love. I have been thinking of this since quite a while. Love? What exactly is this? How do you know when somebody is falling in love with you? How do you know when you are falling in love with someone? Had a discussion with PS on this, today morning. He said, "I cannot define things which cannot be defined." I agree with him that love cannot be defined but there must be something which makes you go weak in the knee, which makes you drool over somebody, which makes you feel only if I could stop time here and be in this moment forever. Not that I haven't had these moments. But those were just moments which have left those incomplete feelings born then, to wander in the forests of uncertainity. Not that I didn't know about that feelings existed but I was always scared. Dunno of what? Once a classmate in graduation told me, "Although you seem to be a chatterbox and talk a lot with everybody, there's a girl in you who's quite, who doesn't talk, who's scared, who doesn't shed her inhibitions and it is beacuse of that girl that you never take a chance when it comes to relationships." At that point in time, I just waved her off but she was right. Its because of that girl that I haven't ever taken any risks, any chances, in the hope of getting something better tomorrow, i kept losing what today had to offer me. Somebody recently told me, "Mai apne sapnon ke liye aaj ki opportunities ko to nahi chhod sakta na..." It was said with the perspective of career and profession in mind but I wonder if the same thought can be applied to relationships as well.
All of us want to be loved, want to be dependent, want to be cared for, want the silences to talk but who is to blame if you yourself don't let that happen. Right now, I am tired of being independent, being completely on my own, from gas, ghar ka rent, bijli ka bill, mobile ka bill, khana se lekar tabiyat, doctor tak sab kuchh khud ko hi karna hi padta hai. I have actually started questioning whether all of this is actually worth it.
Uff! this entire blog entry has gone so haywire.. Just goes to show the chaos in my mind. This just doesn't make any sense at all but still i am not gonna delete it, because it has captured "now" and its chaotic silence. :) Happy Reading!!!
P.S.: Do let me know if you know how do you know when you are in love or somebdoy is in love with you???