Of Setting Suns and Sunsets

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 44; the forty-fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

She always loved sunsets. There was something about them - maybe the fact that its all over or may be the promise that there will a brighter day tomorrow. She didn’t know what exactly; but she loved watching and losing herself in the moment – in the fields of her big farmhouse. In one of these sunsets, he had come to meet her. She had dreamt of this meeting all her life. The meeting when she will get to meet the man of her life, selected by her parents and relatives. Strangely though, there weren’t any butterflies as she had imagined.

He stayed in the US and was a perfect match for her – tall, handsome, qualified, settled. She was weaving dreams of a beautiful tomorrow just like the one promised by the sunsets she had grown up watching. She was of marriageable age and had to be married for there were 3 more sisters waiting in the line before her father could heave a sigh of relief. And she was packed off to the US without getting a chance to know him, his behavior, his likes dislikes, his temperament. After all, all arranged marriages are like that. Who meets the guy before marriage? Not we Indians plus her mothers and aunts also got married like that. They have always been happy.

And yes, she tried to be happy when the first time he hit her. She had just asked about the picture of the girl on the wall. She tried to be happy when the 2nd time he hit her, she had just wanted her passport back. The Nth time when she had her nth miscarriage, she told herself whatever is meant to happen will happen. But for how long will she have to take it? She was to know soon.

That fateful night when in a drunken state, he came home wanting to bed her and she resisted - he hit her again, with a rod. While she was gathering her strength to stand up on her feet again, she caught hold of the same rod and hit him back. She loved it, she did not know she could do that. “This is nice, it felt so good.” With her new found strength, she kept hitting him till he died, died an easy death. And left her hoping to meet the guy her parents had married her to (not the one she was living with) in another world, another time. She could not stop smiling. She could see the sun set in the far away fields.

It had a stark resemblance with the same sun she had left years ago.

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Credits

Image - Love in the air by Anand
Courtesy - Apple Blossom's Photography via www.blogaton.in

The Bubbled Trust!

She stood in the shower, stared at her hands cupped together with drops of water falling in them & then overflowing. Small bubbles of water seemed so jubilant & then they died out only to be overtaken by more bubbles. She saw her in the bubbles who were so trusting of the hands that they let themselves fall freely without fear without a thought - only to be let down by the hands. Guess that’s life! It was her wedding night; she shirked away her husband rather rudely and then had excused herself for a quick shower. He thought she’s shy. Only she knew she was scared. The moment a man comes closer, she cringes, closes her eyes, and relives the trauma. She was 10, just 10 – effervescent, jubilant, carefree just like the bubbles of water she was staring at, just like all kids are – when her uncle had on the pretext of a game when her parents were away raped her. Wasn’t he supposed to take care of her? Wasn’t he supposed to protect her? Her parents had given him the responsibility. Was this his responsibility? As she grew up, she made herself believe that whatever happened was a horrible dream, only to be reminded of the ordeal every time a man came closer. She could no more trust “man”kind. She knows she has to. She is trying. It’s just that the trust that once came easily now seems “tough” extremely “tough”.

My Lost Happy Space

I was in a happy space
Until I did what I had vowed I won’t do
A voice, a face
Took me where I dint wish to

A call and a voice
And I was there with you
A smile and a pain
And I could sense you
You were surprised and so was I
I could have been with you that very moment
Only if wishes taught how to fly…

You

I wish I could live the moment once again,

I wish I could turn back time,

When I saw your face against the window pane,

And wished you were mine.

Love and Smiles

I am in one of those moods again. The kind which makes you float in the air, which makes you want to gaze at the evening sky for hours together. I think it has got something to do with the weather and the time. Its a beautiful weather, the breeze that caresses my face makes me feel loved, the voice of birds returning to their nests makes me feel wanted. Am listening to "Yaad hai wo teri har baat yaad hai" from Phir Milenge. These songs make me lovesick. I have no clue what the word means but I think my state right now describes it perfectly. I am in this forlorn mood just listening to the music, loving the breeze in my hair, sipping a nice cup of hot tea, looking at the birds going back to their homes, And everything seems perfect, just perfect, nothing can be compared to the feeling. Is it Valentine's day? No, it can't be. Just like that I guess.

Still remember when I was in one of these moods just before our Operations exam in 1st year when I heard the tamil version of "Aye Udi Udi" in the hostel mess. What time A had, she could just not stop laughing. I enjoyed that and am enjoying now. I love this moment. Just plain, simple ramblings written in my perfect moment. Am all smiles :) :) :)

Random Musings

I have been absconding from the blogosphere for quite some while now. Reason being, just when I had started falling in love with blogging, some sites (including blogger) were blocked in office. I came to know just last week that it has been unblocked. I could have blogged from home but there was so much work in office that by the time I use to reach back, I was left with no energy or mood to do anything but sleep. Okies, now that I am done with my absence from blogging, I will write something.
Cannot actually think of anything at the moment. There were so many things that I had thought of when I was away from blogging but right now, my mind is absolutely blank. I am loving the state of affairs in my life right now.
Just had a cup of good refreshing tea. Listening to “Jaadu Hai Tera Hi Jaadu” from Ghulam on Radio. And now I am back in form to work. Have installed Windows Live Writer in my PC. This post will test that as well. Will be back in form from the next post. Right now, I gotta get back to work. My table is piled up.
Till then, take care n be good. :)

Rains, and the moods...

It's raining cats and dogs outside. And I am in a very blue and grey mood. Dunno why, but rains do this to me. I go through a plethroa of feelings and thoughts when its raining - there's exuberance yet melancholy, there's joy yet sorrow, there's ebullience yet melancholy.

There's one thing I have not yet done since ages - getting wet in the rains, that too on purpose and actually enjoying it. The water engulfing you like a shawl, the cool breeze running its finger through your wet hair, the clouds smiling and pouring as much water as they can. It feels like the Gods are smiling and showering all the love they have. Its exhilarating, can only be felt.

Then there's my room with its two huge windows, one of which overlooks the top of three gulmohar trees. The tress are laden with numerous hues of red and orange with the green leaves peeping here and there as if playing "I Spy". When I cannot go out and get wet in the rain, I just sit beside the window and stare at the water droplets soaking the flowers and the buds. I don't know why but I become oblivious to the surroundings when I am busy looking out of the window. It takes me to a different world. Its a mixture of melancholy, reflection, calm, peace and chaos. I am falling short of words when it comes to the description of these feelings.

And sadly, right now, I am in neither of the above described moods. I am sad and I am irritated. I am sitting here in my office working on something I don't even know why I am doing. And my heart is out there, soaking itself in the rains (the voice of which I can hear on the window panes of the office), calling me, teasing me that I am not doing what I wish to do.