Independence v/s Dependence

I had written about living life on my own terms some time back. Again, I did something I have always wanted to do. I auditioned for an RJ Hunt. You would say, "whats the big deal?". Nothing actually but I am happy because tomorrow when I die and I meet the masters and look at my life in hindsight, I don't regret that I did not do something I could have done. I did my bit and now life will do its bit.

Well, now back to the my terms bit. I realized after the auditions when I was heading home that right now (and it has been like this for quite sometime now) I am completely independent. Independent, from whichever angle you look at it. I take my own decisions, I go where I want to go, I eat what I want to eat, I live the way I want to live. There is absolutely nothing that I cannot do alone - shopping, eating, dancing, singing, chatting, laughing, crying, watching movies, everything. I have been told by people(all those who live with families) that mine is a lifestyle all of them want. They want to be independent and live life the way I do. What they don't know is how lucky they are. Its really depressing to unlock the door at the end of the day and enter a dark house, switch on the lights, think of making tea (but not doing so because you are tired), then think of what to have for dinner, go through the electricity bill, phone bill, broadband bill, look at the last dates, manage finances (though theres little to manage there), buy grocery etc. There's no end to it. There's nothing like living with the family. 

There's also a positive side to it. You get to choose how you wanna spend your Sunday. But it ends there. 

I, personally, hate this so-called "independence". I would love to go back to a family at the end of the day; tell someone how my day was, how I am feeling; get instructed on what to do and what not to do (that makes me feel cared for and thought of, the fact that what you do and who you are matters to somebody is beautiful). 

Independence comes with it its own price - loneliness, which is only inflating with every passing day. 

It isn't great being all by yourself.